There reaches a point in any transcontinental flight when even the most seasoned traveler will glance down at his watch or smartphone (on Airplane Mode, of course) and impatiently wonder “Are we there yet?”
After the first few chapters of that new Grisham novel have lost their appeal, you realize you royally messed up your sudoku puzzle (two 6’s in the third row – dammit!), and the second round of diet cokes and ginger ales has been dutifully served by the flight attendants (I swear – airlines, infirmaries, Jewish grandmothers, and 7×7 drinkers are the only reason the ginger ale industry is still afloat), there are always exactly 65 minutes of flying time left. Always.
In this instance, there’s only one thing left to do…
No, I’m not talking about joining the Mile High Club; I’m talking about cracking open the SkyMall!
Ah SkyMall – perhaps the craziest manifestation of American consumer culture, indulgence, and ingenuity. On my recent flight from Philadelphia to San Francisco, I took a stroll through the SkyMall. Oh yes, I did. And while some of my favorites remained in the book tried-and-true (i.e. the Magic Wallet, Sumo coffee table, $200 inflatable iceberg for the pool, wide assortment of nose hair trimmers, and the ever-popular hot dog cooker/toaster), there were a few new gems that caught my eye:
1.) Marshmallow Shooter. Who knew mini-marshmallows could fly over 30′? Who knew anyone WANTED mini-marshmallows to fly over 30′? Well with this pump-action weapon you can guide your mini sugar clouds with LED guided precision accuracy. S’mores? GO LONG!
2.) Garden Yeti Sculpture. I mean, do I need to elaborate upon this? Looks more like Chewie than Big Foot IMO, but according to the 28 customer reviews on the SkyMall website, everyone seems to really enjoy this guy in their gardens. Check my bridal registry for this one!
3.) Chewy Edges Brownie Tray. Probably the most practical item in the entire magazine, this sucker would have prevented many a family argument in my household. A brownie tray featuring a labyrinthine layout which makes every brownie baked an “end piece.” Nom nom nom. You had me at $39.95!
Oh look – only 20 minutes left until landing. Just enough time to draft a quick blog post – pending use of certain approved electronic devices.